I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
