its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
