chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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