The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
