Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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