Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
