She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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