scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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