You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
