There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize