You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
