plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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