Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
