U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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