considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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