I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
