They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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