Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
