Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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