At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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