I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
