hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
