i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
