i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
