Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
