shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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