Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
