got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize