You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
