guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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