If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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