I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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