just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
