Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
