I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
