I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
