you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
