She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
