I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
