Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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