he was CRYING into my vagina
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
