just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
as a side note pls kill me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
