Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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