DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize