i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is wine microwaveable?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
