I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
