I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
