I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just googled if crying burns calories
Rumble strips road head = magical
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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