your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
