I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
