you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
