I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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