He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize