Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
