The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
