don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
