you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
