I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
