he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
