Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
