Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
