hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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