he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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