I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize