I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The air was thick with penises
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
