I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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