Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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