I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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