i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
