this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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