Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize