i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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