or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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