4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I cannot find my penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
