I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
