You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
