The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize