I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
