piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
