So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
