I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
