fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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