i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
