You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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