grandma shit on top of the toilet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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