yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
