Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
