he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
