The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize