is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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