At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
