twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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