you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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