i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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