Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
