Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
