She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
