I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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