OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
